flying in the face of fun
AIRBUS A319
TIM TAYAG HIGHLIGHTS SUBTLE BUT ESSENTIAL DETAILS OF GOOD FLYING ETIQUETTE
These days, regular fl iers could be forgiven for misinterpreting the words “Random Bag Check” as, “Hey, you look like a terrorist!”. We live in a time when a pocket nail-clipper could get you detained for hours, not to mention potentially merit a cavity search. With all the hassles and hooplas of airport security these days, let’s face it — fl ying has become as nerve-wrecking as walking in Mexico with a Manny Pacquiao mannequin. Sadly, the time is long gone when you could check-in 30 minutes before your international fl ight. But the good news is, if we adhere to some simple rules of international fl ying etiquette, an enjoyable journey can be more than just a fl ight of fancy.
ON BOARD
Tray up, seat upright, no texting “miss you mwah” once the plane is about to take off — you know the drill. The real test of manners is when you’re thousands of meters above the earth, familiarizing yourself with a bunch of strangers’ odors and annoying habits.
Pay attention to personal hygiene; nobody wants to sit next to Halitosis Harry as he yaps away about his fi rst time to Hong Kong.
Before boarding, brush your teeth, deodorize those armpits and wear clean socks. And if you really have to break wind, do it in the washroom where the only victim is you.
Here are some other obvious don’ts:
• DON’T KICK THE SEAT IN FRONT OF YOU
• DON’T PULL YOURSELF UP USING THE SEAT IN FRONT OF YOU
• DON’T RECLINE YOUR SEAT IF THE PERSON BEHIND IS STILL EATING OFF THE TRAY
• DON’T LEAN AGAINST YOUR SEATMATE TO TAKE A GLIMPSE OUTSIDE (UNLESS YOU’RE AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN)
Then there is the armrest argument: which passenger gets which armrest. According to the International Airplane Armrest Arbitration Committee (IAAAC), of which I am president, the following rules apply:
- The passenger on the aisle seat gets the aisle armrest.
- The passenger on the window seat gets the window armrest.
- The passenger in the middle gets both middle armrests because that is his only luxury.
In the case of a four-seater row, the same rules apply. The two middle seat passengers usually settle the Great Armrest Debate with a game of rock, paper, scissors. International gaming rules apply: nail and rain are not valid moves.
CHECKING IN
Proper flying manners start on the ground. Carry these essential items to speed up the process: luggage, passport, tickets — and lots of patience for the lady behind who keeps bumping her trolley into your heel.
Stand behind the yellow line. And do be pleasant to your fellow fl yers and the person behind the counter (they’re in charge of where you sit, after all).
LANDING AND BAGGAGE CLAIM
After the plane has landed and the crowd applauded, wait until the “fasten seatbelt” sign is turned off before rushing to get your carry-on bag from the overhead bin. Too many people ignore this safety precaution. This may stem from riding jeepneys where jumping off onto oncoming traffi c while smiling is common. Be patient. We will all get to the baggage claim at the same time.
Once you’re at the carousel, leave space for your fellow travellers to get their bags and “balikbayan” boxes reeking of dried fi sh. If your luggage hasn’t come out yet, step aside and let others grab theirs fi rst.
If you see an elderly person or a woman struggling with heavy bags, offer to help — that is, unless you are that elderly person or woman, then you can holler for a porter.
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